You know, I really don't understand where your credentials come from? To inform me that I am fat? Let's look at the professional qualifications. You are probably a personal trainer, a yoga instructor, a doctor, a scientist, a magazine editor, a multimedia extravaganza.
Who are you really?
A person that in your deepest darkest subconscious, thinks you have the right to control what I should and should not be?
Yet you are secretly not engaging with another human being, in the truest form of intimacy?
How do i know that? Well i know you are following a credential that has no relevance to what the feminine is like in all her power and glory. You were already a child that was informed intelligence is mimicking facts, collected in studies, run by the same companies wanting to sell off the disease of unworthiness. I don't think by any chance you were supported in your empathic mind of feeling and art exploration. That is what it actually takes to be right brained. A child that was given art as a free flow, to stimulate your creative juices and told it was beautiful, even if it was a scribble? What I am getting at? Is NO, you were not supported to really delve into what is healthy and unhealthy. Your perceived ideas are like robotic copying, all based around a photographic mind. Does that make you intelligent does it? Or grossly unable to decide out of your own wisdom, what is right for you?
Feeling the Womb and Hara with juicy, flowing, sensual creativity? yes or no? If you answered yes, by the above credentials? You are most likely 0.001%.
The consequences of being in the left brain? You probably have erection issues, even painful menstruation, and screaming for attention to be touched like a god or goddess ought to be; not fucked. Or totally asexual, unable to peek orgamsic enjoyment that is heart felt.
I am not shaming you. I am simply asking you. Where is this need for you to shame me, to shame how a human being is meant to be in all their beauty?
Where in your realised self, gives you the right to govern how I am meant to look like?
It is not only cruel, but violent.
In this expectation of me, you are being violent to your body as well.
You see, being fat is not a disease. It is not a sickness.
I don't sit like a couch potato and eat chips all day. Yet do you know why people are not motivated to move in a healthy way and take care of themselves?
It is shame and unworthiness.
This is not only about my personal internal family upbringing, it runs rampant through everything the moment a little girl and boy is playing with dolls. Barbie is an example and all the princesses in Hollywood and Disney. It is sick.
What is a sickness? Is beating the drum of running around like a race dog, chasing a fake rabbit. It is cruelty. In every sense of the way. Whether under the knife, through starvation, jolting the joints in extreme banging on concrete, and lifting weights that builds an armour of safety from being hurt. Hiding the sadness and shame underneath the rocks that you build around your body.
Let's go a little further in the darkness, because that is what I am about. Touching the edges where others dare to go, because I put my hand up, to open the boxes that controls your unconscious self. Afraid to face the self and slow down, because it terrifies you. It's ok. I will help you get there.
Maybe you want us to look like children because it gets you off?
Yes well, that's the truth of what is governing body image?
Why in the heck would i do that, go deep?
Since when did you say to yourself? You are not worth it?
Why are there red flags all over your smiling mouth, like a clown with sad eyes?
What is really happening to you behind closed doors, of your sweet charms, following a society that expects you to be happy all the time?
Where is your honesty?
Why are you afraid to admit that, me being fat, in your perception, scares you? That I can be healthy and confident? That I have the power to love myself in ways that is nurturing?
That it defies your every binge on wealth that you have enveloped me with lies and deception?
You know what?
I am healthy. I may not be perfect.
I am worthy of respect, dignity, and security.
I have a right to feel safe in this world.
Do you have a right to shame me, blame me, chuckle at me, make money off my suffering and unworthiness?
I am not playing victim here.
I am only asking you. What right do you have to govern my life in the mere perfectionism of shame?
Sure; I have been at the gym, diets, running, swimming, bush hiking, sweating, starving like a rabbit. All that. And I felt like pure shit. Running on a treadmill like a mindless hamster. Running away from my Worth.
That my body will do whatever it damn well wants to, in it's own time, space, movement and health.
Not by your sick perverted ways?
My heart hurts writing this.
Feeling gives me the spaces that I am not dead, numb and functioning like a stone robot.
I will process it in my own time.
I am angry at the system that held me like a slave, to expectations that told me, I was not good enough. Affecting every perception of what is healthy, even to the point of a man loving me. You have stopped healthy relating in the grossessed way possible.
Well no longer...
I am not implying to hand children junk food? I am saying what are you telling them?
That they are not good enough?
Not on my watch brother or sister.
Images by Izabella Hacinas copyright 2020
Article By Norma Saba